Truth or Consequences

Photo: Lenticular Clouds hovering near Lava Beds National Monument.

“Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”

“This is going to be too messy.” I’ve said too many times. “Let’s deal with this some other day.” Sometimes another day does not come. And sometimes hiding an important feeling or event can lead to a fragmented self. That’s how affairs continue. That’s how people fall apart. I’ve hidden much of my life in fear of making things messy. Perhaps a mixed up dynamic is occasionally necessary for the growth of whole being. I found that there are certain moments in life when the truth, ruthless or kind, rears itself up through the consciousness. At these times suppressing the message would be a way to segregate and maybe even kill a part of the self. The “truth” seems like a moving target. Perhaps it can never really be seen without taking a chance on screwing up and processing it. Perhaps true feelings cannot be known without the witness of a loving friend or partner… where love wants the highest good for self and the other at the same time. I write about this because I made a few seemingly benign decisions in my life that had vast consequences. One was to play it safe and not hurt someone dear. They were hurt anyway. Another was to be dishonest about my own abilities and vulnerabilities. It was a way to act but not live. Secrets always come forward in one way or another. Why not be empowered by them instead of afraid? My writing project is a way to begin putting the truth out in the universe, into the embrace of the Creator and even myself. I want the process to move into my whole being so that I can be free in the world, not hiding parts of myself in shame. The ghosts of the past hover just above the internal landscape. But the ghosts are not really someone else. They’re only cast off parts of ourselves, parts that need to come home.

31,755 Words

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